1 00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:04,435 C. C: Are you sure this is a good idea? 2 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:05,765 What if someone sees us? 3 00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:07,770 Don't worry. It's too early for the creative types, 4 00:00:07,907 --> 00:00:09,169 and I sent my assistant 5 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:11,368 to a nonexistent Italian bakery out in Queens. 6 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,206 This is the address he gave me. 7 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:15,405 He never makes mistakes. 8 00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:17,675 I can't go back there without sfogliatelle! 9 00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:20,183 We can't keep sneaking around, Jack. It's too dangerous. 10 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,083 I'm trying to get the United States government 11 00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:23,519 to sue your parent company. 12 00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:24,918 Take off your pants suit. 13 00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:26,685 Right back at you. 14 00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:29,021 Oh! Workplace! 15 00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:31,130 Lemon, you're here early. 16 00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:33,858 I gave up caffeine, so I've been going to bed at 5:30. 17 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,696 But I will leave now. 18 00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:37,700 Don't be silly. 19 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,965 Liz Lemon, I'd like you to meet a business associate of mine. 20 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:45,203 Lakeesha Gutierrez-Arafat. 21 00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:47,074 Hi. 22 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,771 Hi. I like your necklace. 23 00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:51,145 It's actually a rape whistle but the whistle part fell off, 24 00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:54,481 and I just liked how it looked so I kept it. 25 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,987 I will leave you to it. 26 00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,055 "Lt" being business. 27 00:00:58,191 --> 00:00:59,055 Of course. 28 00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:01,387 I call the movie "Risky Business" "Risky lt." 29 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:05,020 Because "it" means business. 30 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,530 Lemon out. 31 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,222 Hey, take that off. You didn't go to Harvard. 32 00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:31,721 I went to Harvard. 33 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:33,917 I did stand-up there this weekend. 34 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:34,924 Very funny. 35 00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:37,757 You were not graduated from that institution. 36 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:40,422 Well, I got a squeezer from an Indian girl on a bunk bed, 37 00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,400 so I think I got the full Harvard experience. 38 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:45,231 That does sound pretty accurate. 39 00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:47,202 You're just trying to get a rise out of me, sir, 40 00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:50,935 and you do not want to make a Harvard man angry. 41 00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:54,811 Lemon. 42 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,540 Hey, Jack. What's up? 43 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,446 That woman you met this morning in my office 44 00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:00,450 is not a colleague of mine. 45 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:01,713 We are lovers. 46 00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:02,981 Oh, that word bums me out 47 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,318 unless it's between the words "meat" and "pizza." 48 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,894 Her name is C.C., which stands for Celeste Cunningham. 49 00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:11,553 Wait. Isn't she that congresswoman that's... 50 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,188 Trying to destroy this company 51 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,062 for allegedly turning some children orange? 52 00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:18,693 Yes. And therein lies the dilemma. 53 00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:21,966 This corporation has a very strict "bros before hos" policy. 54 00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,736 Wow, so you must really have some serious feelings for her. 55 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,778 Okay, if I can't say "lovers," you can't say "feelings." 56 00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:28,608 But, yes, it is serious, 57 00:02:28,748 --> 00:02:29,908 and in spite everything, 58 00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,914 I want her to meet some of my friends. 59 00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:33,211 So I'm going to hold a dinner party, 60 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:34,445 and I would like you to come. 61 00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,145 Wow, that's very nice. Thank you, Jack. 62 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:37,256 I just want you to be discreet. 63 00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:39,858 And try not to dress like a small-town lesbian. 64 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:44,323 Well, Lemon, that was a good chat. 65 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:48,127 Good luck with that alopecia problem of yours. 66 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:49,997 Oh, come on! 67 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:53,867 I don't have that. Very hairy. 68 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,202 Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. I'll take one of those. 69 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:57,206 Sorry. 70 00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,777 Hey, guys, good news. We won an award. 71 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:00,811 We did? 72 00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:02,778 Well, I did. Do you remember when I filmed 73 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,850 that movie version of the "Mystic Pizza" musical? 74 00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:06,451 Do I? I don't. 75 00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:10,352 Well, the N.Y. City Critics Association just sent me this. 76 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,857 Best Actress in a Movie Based on a Musical Based on a Movie! 77 00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:15,221 Hey, that's great! 78 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:18,125 Okay, enough! 79 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:20,528 How long are we going to talk about this stupid award? 80 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,567 We have more important things to worry about. 81 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,670 Like where are the french fries I did not ask for? 82 00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:27,671 You guys need to anticipate me. 83 00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:29,240 Okay. Forget it. 84 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,400 I can't rehearse today. 85 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:35,207 Ugh, it's gonna be one of those weeks. 86 00:03:36,115 --> 00:03:37,514 Oh, no. I talked to him last time 87 00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:40,050 when he wanted to change his name to "Wise Greasy Bastard." 88 00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:41,153 Fine. 89 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,778 Oh, monsters, why did I create you? 90 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,890 Okay, Tracy, what's wrong? 91 00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:50,655 It's not fair, Liz Lemon. Everybody wins awards but me. 92 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,992 Even Shaquille O'Neal got a Kids' Choice Award 93 00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:54,531 for that animated movie we did. 94 00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:58,501 Boy, I hope we rescue the Starfish King on this adventure. 95 00:03:58,638 --> 00:03:59,764 It'll be a slam dunk! 96 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,840 Would you call what we did last night "sex"? 97 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,239 I spent two days making that movie from my home, 98 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:05,241 and what did I get? 99 00:04:05,378 --> 00:04:07,744 A million dollars, a yellow Bentley, and nothing. 100 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,347 I never win anything! 101 00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:13,111 Look at this coffee cup my kids got me for Father's Day. 102 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,550 I'm a failure, Liz Lemon. 103 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:16,712 Maybe I should just give up and try this crystal meth 104 00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:18,221 I've been hearing so much about. 105 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,950 No, no, no, you don't have to do that. 106 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,561 You won an award. Did I not tell you? 107 00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:24,253 Come on, Lemon. 108 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:29,801 Yes. You are getting a lifetime achievement award 109 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:33,133 from the Pacific Rim Emmys. 110 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,399 Pacific Rim? 111 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:36,701 I love the Pacific Rim. 112 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,812 I spent nine months in Japan shooting "Samurai, l-Am-Urai." 113 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,345 I fell in love with their culture, 114 00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,641 especially sharking. 115 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:43,771 What's sharking? 116 00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:45,383 It's when you run up on a lady on the streets 117 00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,610 and pull her tube top down 118 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,118 while your friend videotapes it. 119 00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:51,121 It's considered a crime here. Thanks a lot, Puritans. 120 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:54,420 Right. So, are you ready to hit some rehearsal? 121 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,754 Hell, yeah! 122 00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,557 I do not want to disappoint my Japanese public, 123 00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:01,258 especially Godzilla. 124 00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:04,268 I'm just kidding. I know he doesn't care what humans do. 125 00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,733 All right, I'll see you out there, winner. 126 00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:11,241 He's fine. I just need you to make him a Pacific Rim Emmy. 127 00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:12,639 Props has an old basketball trophy 128 00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:13,973 we could solder some wings onto. 129 00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:16,013 I love it. 130 00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:18,413 It is unbelievable the lengths you go to 131 00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:19,449 to keep that guy happy. 132 00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:20,643 I know. 133 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:21,913 I don't get that kind of treatment. 134 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,182 I don't have to treat you that way because you're the sane one. 135 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,188 You're my rock. 136 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,657 It is amazing how grounded I've been able to stay 137 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:28,988 despite my célébrité. 138 00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:35,666 What's up, dude? I went to Harvard. 139 00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:39,704 I lived in Lowell House and was a member of the Signet Society. 140 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,501 If you were actually a member of the Signet Society, 141 00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:44,769 you would be wearing this pin. 142 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,846 Oh, you mean this pin? 143 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:50,312 Your lame thing is on his pants. 144 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,582 Liz Lemon, when am I leaving for Japan? 145 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,187 'Cause I have to arrange for a snake nanny. 146 00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,653 Oh, I didn't think you were actually gonna go. 147 00:05:57,790 --> 00:05:59,223 The awards ceremony is tonight, 148 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,849 so I told them to mail it to you. 149 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:04,292 No! I told my kids they could come see their dad get an award. 150 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,898 So it has to at least be live via satellite. 151 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,092 Oh, but it's a really big time difference. 152 00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:10,634 It'll be, like, 4:00 in the morning here. 153 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:13,102 Perfect. Just when I get back from Maiden Voyage, 154 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,366 Newark's first offshore gentlemen's barge. 155 00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:18,477 I'm gonna get the kids, and we're coming straight here. 156 00:06:18,611 --> 00:06:20,203 Uh... okay. 157 00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:21,836 I'll set that up. 158 00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,346 Really? You're gonna do that? 159 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,474 Liz Lemon know who keeps the lights on around here. 160 00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:28,143 But I couldn't do it without my background players. 161 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:30,812 That's why I want you and Josh to be there for my award. 162 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:33,187 Then afterwards, maybe I'll let you hold it. 163 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:36,853 Then you can check out my award. Ha ha ha! 164 00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:38,725 Banter! 165 00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:41,231 I'm sorry. He's an idiot. 166 00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:42,391 No, don't blame him. 167 00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,662 You're the one who rewards his bad behavior. 168 00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,068 You give him anything he wants. 169 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,901 Me? I can't even get a real exterminator 170 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:50,872 to get that squirrel out of my dressing room. 171 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:54,776 No! No, don't move like that! 172 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,814 No, no! Ow! 173 00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,886 Good evening. May I take your coat? 174 00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,888 Oh, yes, thank you. I'm sorry I'm late. 175 00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,184 The other guests have already arrived 176 00:07:06,325 --> 00:07:07,383 and are in the dining room. 177 00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:10,690 Hi, Liz. 178 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,092 Lemon. 179 00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:18,434 Is this everyone? 180 00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,368 We had a longer invite list, 181 00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,235 but we thought for the sake of discretion... 182 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,605 We had to eliminate anybody with any influence 183 00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:27,542 or connections or stature, so that pretty much left you. 184 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,877 Then we added Kenneth so you would have somebody to talk to. 185 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,245 What's your favorite pizza topping? 186 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,082 Mine's plain, but I like others. 187 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,553 I have to say, 188 00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:39,555 you are the most beautiful woman in this room right now. 189 00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:40,989 Liz. 190 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:45,496 Tell me a painful story about your teenage years. 191 00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:54,130 Okay, let's fake this. 192 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:55,399 Okay. 193 00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:58,840 Okay, Tracy, they are ready for your acceptance speech 194 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:03,779 in three... two... one. 195 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:07,010 People of the Pacific Rim, how you feel? 196 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,017 All right! 197 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,486 I'd like to thank my wife, 198 00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:13,421 my two sons, Tracy Jr. And George Foreman, 199 00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:15,754 this Josh dude, 200 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,419 Liz Lemon, 201 00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:20,532 bald-headed Pete for setting up the satellite, 202 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:25,262 and, of course, a very special blond lady. 203 00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:28,669 Shelley Long, you're truly an inspiration to me! 204 00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:31,572 And, finally, I'd like to thank you, Pacific Rimmers, 205 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,201 for all that you've given us. 206 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,476 Karaoke, karate, and most of all... 207 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,847 wanizame atakku! 208 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,420 Shark attack! 209 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,554 Okay, so, you got sharked. 210 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:46,715 That's not great. 211 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,121 I'm so humiliated. 212 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,990 How could Tracy not thank me? 213 00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:50,720 What? 214 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,763 I drag myself out of bed at 4:00 in the morning, 215 00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:54,867 go home, get dressed, come in here, 216 00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,525 and he doesn't even mention my name? 217 00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:58,398 Jenna, the whole thing is fake. 218 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,130 Yeah, but he thought it was real. 219 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,366 Listen, I'm sorry. Tonight was crazy. 220 00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:05,909 But I did hear the janitor saying your boobs looked good. 221 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,206 I don't want to hear it, Liz. 222 00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,178 Apparently, the only way to get respect around here 223 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,874 is to act like Tracy. 224 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:14,384 And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. 225 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,385 Now, please get out of my dressing room 226 00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:17,716 so I can lock myself in it. 227 00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:26,864 Aah! The squirrel! It's not afraid of people! 228 00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:32,664 Oh, hi, C.C. Are you looking for Jack? 229 00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:34,705 No, actually, I was hoping to talk to you. 230 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,239 I hope you had fun last night. 231 00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,239 I did. 232 00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:40,436 Boy, you and Jack make a hell of a Celebrity team. 233 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,672 This is that chick who... 234 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:42,576 Venus Williams. 235 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:44,239 Remember that time you fell asleep? 236 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:45,407 Captain Beefheart. 237 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,314 It's like we share a brain. 238 00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:49,353 I'm sorry you got stuck with Kenneth. 239 00:09:49,488 --> 00:09:52,423 Okay. This is not a character from a television program. 240 00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:55,459 Okay. This is not a character from the Bible. 241 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,426 Uh, pass. 242 00:09:57,563 --> 00:09:59,531 You can't pass, you hillbilly! 243 00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:03,294 No. I'm sorry. I don't normally slap people. 244 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,267 Liz, I hate to put you on the spot, 245 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:07,429 but I can't talk to any of my friends about Jack. 246 00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:10,599 We can't keep sneaking around. This is getting ridiculous. 247 00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:16,344 I'm-a the plumber. I'm here-a to fix the washing machine. 248 00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:18,416 Come right in, Mr. Spunatelli. 249 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,143 If Jack and I are going to stay together, 250 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,810 one of us has got to give something up. 251 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,081 I just... Is Jack worth it? 252 00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:25,417 What would you do? 253 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,958 I don't think you want to take advice from me. 254 00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:30,790 I ate a 3 Musketeers bar for breakfast this morning, 255 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,296 and this bra is held together with tape. 256 00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:34,763 Liz, please. 257 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:39,064 Well, Jack is great, and he's crazy about you. 258 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,503 But have you ever compromised for a man before? 259 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,903 No. 260 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,304 Me either. 261 00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:48,941 Oh, God, it was my birthday yesterday. 262 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:52,076 I'm gonna talk to Jack. 263 00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,277 Yeah, I think you should. 264 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,445 Ow. 265 00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:03,256 Hey, guys, it's me... Frank. 266 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,761 Oh, no. Escalation! 267 00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,797 Okay, that hat's not cool, jackass. 268 00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,331 My mom's a great lady. 269 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,935 Was it her greatness that made your dad leave? 270 00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,269 He didn't leave. 271 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,533 He's a submarine commander running silent. 272 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,165 Let's watch this instead of working. 273 00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:18,333 Take off that costume! 274 00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:19,205 Take off yours! 275 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,676 Never! 276 00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:28,783 C.C., what are you doing here? 277 00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:31,185 Jack, I convinced the Sheinhardt Wig plaintiffs 278 00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,187 to settle. 279 00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:34,053 That's fantastic news. What did they end up getting? 280 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,319 $5 million each. 281 00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:37,452 $5 million each? 282 00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:40,292 That's NBA sexual-assault money. 283 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,195 They deserved more. 284 00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:43,995 The point is, now you and I can go public. 285 00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:45,728 We don't have to sneak around anymore. 286 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:46,929 Slow down. 287 00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,768 C.C., it's not that simple. 288 00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,899 What do you mean? 289 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,510 I'm still up for a big promotion. 290 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,636 My colleagues still revile you. 291 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,645 Maybe in a year or so, we could reassess. 292 00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:59,410 Don't you understand what I have given up for you? 293 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:02,248 Those little orange children deserved their day in court. 294 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,912 They got $5 million. Each. 295 00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,648 They deserved to be heard, Jack. 296 00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,053 And I was ready to speak for them. 297 00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:09,184 We were going to go on "Oprah." 298 00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:10,590 Oh, so, this is not about those kids. 299 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,254 It's about you getting some publicity 300 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,888 to get a leg up on your political career. 301 00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:16,365 I'm not going to apologize for being ambitious, Jack. 302 00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,402 You shouldn't. I like when a woman has ambition. 303 00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:20,562 It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes. 304 00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:22,640 I was willing to give all that up for you. 305 00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:24,436 But you're obviously not willing to do the same. 306 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,566 I just need more time. 307 00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:26,609 I should never have listened 308 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,737 to a woman who tapes her bra together. 309 00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:30,439 Lemon. 310 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,749 Don't worry, Jack. 311 00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:35,410 I will sneak out through the freight elevator 312 00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:36,748 like I always do. 313 00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:38,117 I won't embarrass you. 314 00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,797 Everybody looks good in a Sheinhardt. 315 00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:48,655 Something's going down with Jenna. 316 00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,200 She told an NBC tour 317 00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:51,826 that she was going to get them all pregnant. 318 00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,565 So, now I have two Tracys. Perfect. 319 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,971 Will you trade jobs with me? 320 00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,669 Okay, but Jenna wants this done a specific way. 321 00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:02,246 She's in her dressing room. 322 00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:04,576 Godspeed, Liz Lemon. 323 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,652 Liz, we have a serious crisis. 324 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,254 We're mad at each other. 325 00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:11,686 No. I have legitimate problems to deal with right now. 326 00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:14,224 But the Toofer/Frank rivalry has finally exploded. 327 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,521 No one cares. Move! You're blocking me. 328 00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,391 I'm trying to get somewhere real. 329 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,190 Um, hi. Is Jenna in there? 330 00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:24,359 Bitch, are you in here? 331 00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:25,993 Mm-hmm. 332 00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:29,839 Jenna, why are you not at rehearsal? 333 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:32,205 My entourage says I look tired. 334 00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:36,280 I'm Sacha. This is Patrice and Master Alexei. 335 00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:41,409 And your name is probably something like Melissa. 336 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,146 Okay, I get it. 337 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:45,154 What do I need to do to make you feel appreciated 338 00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,189 and get them out of here? 339 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,555 Too late. You had your chance. 340 00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,389 Ooh, Melissa, pick up your face, girl! 341 00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:53,327 I'm going to get my eyeballs whitened. 342 00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:55,831 I'll be back in a couple of hours. 343 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,799 If I feel like it. 344 00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,962 What? No! We have work to do. 345 00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:01,936 This is what you get for taking me for granted. 346 00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:03,701 Deal with that. 347 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,471 Oh, Melissa? Your face is on the phone. 348 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:10,048 Soccer practice is over and you need to pick it up. 349 00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:13,174 All right, that's a pretty good burn, Patrice. 350 00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:16,314 Well, Lemon, I hope you're happy. 351 00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:17,649 I'm not. Why? 352 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,815 C.C. Is demanding that we go public with our relationship, 353 00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:20,926 which is impossible. 354 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,755 And you put the idea in her head. 355 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:25,420 I'm sorry, Jack. I'm just saying what everybody's thinking. 356 00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,054 You just don't understand what I'm going through. 357 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,895 Nobody understands what I'm going through. 358 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,435 I'll take the next one, Carville. 359 00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:37,440 Uh, actually... have you got a minute? 360 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,246 How do you and Mary Matalin make it work? 361 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,281 She's a brilliant, patriotic Republican strategist, 362 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:48,284 and you, let's face it, are a pinko nutjob. 363 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,684 Mary and I have proved that true love can weather any storm. 364 00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,313 Even Desert Storm. 365 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,427 But if it's the opinion of your peers that you're worried about, 366 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,928 you need to get out in front of the story, Cajun style. 367 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,759 Break the news on your own terms, 368 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,925 before your enemies find out. 369 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,194 Cajun style. 370 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:06,133 Dating a Democratic congresswoman? 371 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,433 These guys will destroy me for this. 372 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,236 Jack, is it really the opinion of others you're worried about, 373 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,436 or are you learning something new about yourself 374 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,877 and you find that a little scary? 375 00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:20,080 Cajun style. 376 00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:22,442 What are we gonna do? 377 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,022 If we give up our feud now, we'll be ridiculed. 378 00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,785 Remember when Lutz cried during that diamond commercial? 379 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:28,791 Lt'd be worse than that. 380 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,327 But I can't keep dressing like you. 381 00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:32,293 "The New Yorker" Festival is next week. 382 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,399 We're trapped in a political minefield. 383 00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,125 How are we gonna get out of it? 384 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,963 You boys need to change the story. 385 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,731 Like Karl Rove did in the last election 386 00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:43,341 when he made it about gay folks and swift boats. 387 00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,466 What's your swift boat? 388 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,669 You didn't hear this from me, 389 00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:49,679 but Josh is starting to do something new with his hair. 390 00:15:49,815 --> 00:15:51,180 Are you James Carville? 391 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:54,343 Drop me an e-mail and let me know how it goes. 392 00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,117 Trying to steal candy from a vending machine? 393 00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:04,393 Let me show you how it's done. 394 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,725 Cajun style. 395 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:07,889 Excuse me. 396 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:11,230 What office should I put Ms. Maroney's new writer in? 397 00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:13,930 What? No. Who said this guy gets an office? No. 398 00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,938 You let Jenna take off in the middle of the day? 399 00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:17,337 If she gets to do that, 400 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,569 then I'm doing this week's show as my alter ego. 401 00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:22,010 Professor Cosmotosis. 402 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:23,944 Ugh! Where is Jenna? 403 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,176 I'm gonna take a nap. 404 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,445 Wake me up if Andy Dick calls. 405 00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:32,751 Is this fun for you? Being difficult? 406 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,756 Oh, it is. I should have been doing it the whole time. 407 00:16:34,893 --> 00:16:37,919 You have been, Jenna. You have always been difficult. 408 00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:40,122 You think Tracy gets special treatment? 409 00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:41,960 I don't think. I know. 410 00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:44,296 Uh-huh. Well, I coddle the crap out of you, too. 411 00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:46,427 Your online fan club? 412 00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:47,664 That's me. 413 00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:49,569 I made Frank set that up as a punishment 414 00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:50,970 after he farted in my chair. 415 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,670 And when you did that morning radio show the other week, 416 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:56,337 every caller was me. 417 00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:58,677 I am loving all of your characters. 418 00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:00,079 Thanks for calling, Sanjay. 419 00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:02,710 I really believe in Karma. 420 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,289 And this award you just got? 421 00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:08,291 It's a cookie. 422 00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:09,758 Ooh, crunch! 423 00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:11,123 I don't want to do this stuff. 424 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:12,924 But I have to because you're so insecure 425 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,761 you get jealous of babies for their soft skin. 426 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,493 And how much attention they get. 427 00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:20,935 I have lost years of my life taking care of you. 428 00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:22,165 I lie awake at night 429 00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:24,605 wondering what fresh hell tomorrow will bring. 430 00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:26,574 I don't sleep, I don't eat right, 431 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,974 thanks to you and Tracy Jordan. 432 00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:28,977 Mostly you. 433 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:32,515 Oh, Liz. That's all I wanted to hear. 434 00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:35,647 I'll be onstage in 10. 435 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:36,880 And I'll wait till tomorrow 436 00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:38,614 to talk about you firing melon-ball lady. 437 00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:40,418 All right. 438 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,153 Not in front of the gays. 439 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,367 Hey, look who bailed on their lame feud. 440 00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:53,096 Hey, what's up with Josh's new haircut? 441 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,296 Dude, you got a frohawk, man. 442 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,668 Do you think you're better than us? 443 00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,275 What? No, I don't. 444 00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,774 I've got a new nickname for Josh. 445 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,344 Dr. Haircut. 446 00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:04,977 It's not even my normal barber. My mom did it. 447 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,017 Dr. Haircut! 448 00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:08,983 Dr. Haircut! 449 00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:10,713 Dr. Haircut! 450 00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,983 Dr. Haircut! 451 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:14,820 Are you gonna cry? 452 00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:19,997 Here's your John Legend CD. 453 00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:21,190 I don't know why it was so urgent 454 00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:22,322 you have it before noon. 455 00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:24,231 It was just an excuse. Have lunch with me. 456 00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:25,336 Jack. 457 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:26,699 I feel badly about what happened. 458 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,239 But I have a plan. 459 00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:30,238 Do you trust me? 460 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:32,275 Oh, God, I don't know. 461 00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:36,472 I'm 43, and you have great hair. 462 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,981 I can let this play out a little longer. 463 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,745 Then come with me. 464 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,222 Jack, this is your executive dining room. 465 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,190 Are you trying to get me killed? 466 00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:52,559 C.C., these people are my peers, my heroes, 467 00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,496 my past and future Secret Santas. 468 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,761 Their approval is the most important thing 469 00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:58,767 in the world to me. 470 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:01,896 Or so I thought. 471 00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:10,108 Gentlemen, token ladies, 472 00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,876 I have an important announcement. 473 00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:14,178 Some of you may or may not recognize 474 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,651 the woman standing beside me. 475 00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:18,187 Her name is Celeste Cunningham, 476 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,291 and she is a Democratic congresswoman 477 00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:23,053 from the state of Vermont. 478 00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:25,795 And she is my lover. 479 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,455 That's right. 480 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:31,160 She's my liberal, hippy-dippy mama. 481 00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,271 My groovy chick. My old lady. 482 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:34,963 She was our chief adversary 483 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,541 during the Sheinhardt Wig hearings. 484 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,371 She wants to tax us all to death 485 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,241 and make it legal for a man to marry his own dog. 486 00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:45,111 But I think what we have is special 487 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,979 and I'm proud of her 488 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,883 and I'm not going to hide it any longer. 489 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,388 I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it! 490 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,754 And this is my woman. 491 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:02,591 I gave to NPR last year. 492 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:08,732 My children go to public school. 493 00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,732 I'm gay. 494 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,242 I'm black. 495 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:16,614 Oh, Jack, thank you so much. 496 00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:18,272 And I just want you to know 497 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:22,353 that, in 1984, I voted for Ronald Reagan. 498 00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:33,726 I murdered my wife.